September 8th, 2010

cheers

THE LORD OF THE RINGS (abridged)

"Me?" said Samwise. "Wouldn't you prefer to send my master, Frodo, on this quest to destroy the Ring?"

"Naw," said Gandalf, "He would only whine a lot, and be a burden, and in the end he'd doubtless succumb to the allure of the Ring. You'll do."

"But how will I get to Mount Doom? I've never even left the Shire, and I don't own a horse."

"No worries," said Gandalf. "I'm pals with the Lord of the Eagles. You can ride him to Mount Doom, and the other eagles will run interference in case the Nazgul show up. I'll ride shotgun, and stave off any aggressors with my awesome powers."

"Very well then," said Samwise.

The next day, Samwise returned, triumphant. The Ring was destroyed, Sauron's power was broken, and the peoples of Middle Earth had rewarded Sam with a pile of gold. His first act, after being feted by his neighbors, was to hire himself a gardener: one Frodo Baggins.

THE END